Sunday, June 19, 2016

A Father's Day letter to Jeff

I can still see the smile on your face; I can hear the joy in your voice when you were spending time with our kids.  Likewise, I can feel their sheer happiness from time spent with you.

Most of my most vivid memories of you relate to you being a dad.  I remember you taking me out to dinner the night we found out I was pregnant with Matthew.  We talked about what it would be like; whether we wanted a boy or girl; what we would name “it”; would we find out the gender.  I remember lying in bed with you one night, my bulging belly in the curve of your back.  The little human inside me kicked with the oomph of the Karate Kid he would become, and you felt it.  You thought it was the coolest feeling in the world.  And so did I.  Your elation made it memorable – extra special. January 14, 1988, we became parents for the first time.  I remember your tears of relief, sheer joy, and pride at 11:57 p.m. when you heard “it’s a boy!”  


You jumped right into the role of fatherhood without hesitation.  You laughed when you got peed on and spit up on (playing airplane while laying on your back with a baby who is prone to spitting up was a lesson learned!), and you stood outside in the cold with him when he struggled with asthma, or tolerated the crying when he wouldn’t take a bottle so I could have an hour or two of “me time.” 

Twice more you and I experienced the wonder of life together, and each time the excitement was different, but the same.  You had your boy, then your girl.  Life was full.  One for each hand, you said.  Then came the third – another girl – no more even numbers, but even more joy. They were your princesses, and you were their king. 


You became an expert at Legos; at singing the Barney song (I can still hear you croon every word, locking eyes with our Barney queen, Meaghan, as you sang it together); at reciting Good Night Moon; in reading the Sunday Globe with anxious little eyes peering over the paper, filled with anticipation of playing with you; at making up games, that usually involved candy. You didn’t mind that your hike up Blue Hills took three times as long because you had Julz at your side, or the work in the yard became more work now that you had little helpers.

As the kids grew, so did your devotion to them.  Our conversations were often about where the kids would go to school, what they would be like as independent little beings.  We talked about our philosophies in parenting impressionable teens, and how we would use, and not use, what we learned from our parents.  You now had someone to recite the “Don’t Quit” poem to, hoping it would help them the way it helped you through tough moments.


You taught me what it means to be a father …  and a dad.  I never imagined I’d need to fill the role myself.  That was supposed to be yours for a much longer time.  But I’m grateful to have had the best teacher, and I know our kids are grateful to have had the greatest dad.  You may have left us physically, but you are with us every day, every minute, with your words of encouragement, your goofy laugh, your captivating smile, and your always-uplifting group hug. 


Happy Father’s Day in Heaven, Jeff. With much love.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Tragedy under the rainbow

Stanley Almodovar III, 23 - Amanda Alvear, 25 - Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 - Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 - Antonio Davon Brown, 29 - Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 - Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 - Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 - Luis Daniel Conde, 39 Cory James Connell, 21 - Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 - Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 - Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 - Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 - Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26
Read the names.  Say them out loud. Each represents a life lost.
     These are the names of the people who were killed in a massacre Saturday night in Orlando at the Pulse. The night was winding down when all hell broke loose.  A scene so horrific it probably wouldn't even have been written in a horror movie -- a homophobe who was seemingly gay himself, a hater, a terrorist-wannabe monster strolls through a bar shooting people with a Sig MCX -- a semi-automatic rifle.  He wasn't shooting to wound.  He was shooting to kill.  He looked people in the eyes as they pleaded for their lives.  And he shot them.  And laughed.
Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 - Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 - Paul Terrell Henry, 41 - Frank Hernandez, 27 - Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 - Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 - Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 - Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 -Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 - Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 - Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 - Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 -Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 - Kimberly Morris, 37 - Akyra Monet Murray, 18 -Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 -Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 - Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 - Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 


Read the names.  Say them out loud.  Each represents love.

     The public response was quick, with people donating money to a fund to benefit the families of the dead and the injured.  Rainbow flags have appeared everywhere. Prayers have been offered, healing thoughts sent, cards and letters mailed.  It's all anyone is talking about --  So sad, they say.  So tragic. Awful.  How can anyone do such a thing? How can there be so much hate?  How can we keep Isis out? Why don't we have stricter gun laws? 
     Forty nine lives taken.  Fifty three injured.  The numbers are too great, and these killings are all too frequent.
     Yet we, as Americans who come together in times like this, remain divided on how to prevent this from happening again. I keep hearing from gun advocates that it's not fair to "punish" responsible gun owners for the acts of a few nut cases who mis-use their weapons.  Is it truly that punishing to say you can't have a weapon that fires multiple bullets in seconds with the ability to kill massive numbers of people in seconds?  Do they know how punishing it is to wake up every day with a void in your life because someone you gave birth to, or loved unconditionally, or called a friend or a spouse, or a relative, was brutally murdered by a psycho killer with that weapon? Can they not make the sacrifice with the hopes that it might save someone else's life???  NO ONE is trying to revoke their 2nd Amendment rights.  We who believe semi- and automatic weapons have no place in the hands of the average American are not saying they can't own guns.  They can have their hand guns and rifles for protection or hunting or recreational target practice as long as they're obtained legally and used properly.  

Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 - Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 - Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 - Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 - Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 - Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 - Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34  - Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 - Martin Benitez Torres, 33 - Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 - Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 - Luis S. Vielma, 22 -Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 - Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 Jerald Arthur Wright, 31

Read the names.  Say them out loud. Each represents a grieving family.

     They give comparisons to attempt to prove that strict gun laws won't work -- anyone who wants to kill will find a way.  Just like anyone who wants drugs will get them.  Does that mean we should be lax about it?  Does that mean we shouldn't have security at an airport because terrorists or psychos with a bomb will find a way regardless?  Should we not have alarms in our homes or lock our doors because burglars have a way of working around them?  Tougher gun laws will make it more difficult for the killers to obtain their weapons. Banning assault rifles and rifles that shoot multiple bullets in seconds will reduce the numbers of people they attempt to kill.  As someone said, it shouldn't be more difficult to score a ticket to the broadway play Hamilton than it is to purchase a deadly weapon that was originally designed for the battle field.
     Gun proponents also say it's not the gun, but bigger issues that cause all these violent outbursts.  We do have several massive societal problems on our hands -- we live in a world of terrorist threats from al qaeda and Isis (believe me, I know and live it every day), organizations consisting of inhumane individuals who have one goal in life -- to hate and kill Americans and others who don't hold their same beliefs.  This is a real issue that the government deals with on a daily basis, and in the process, thwarts numerous attempts of terrorism against us.  It's also a mental health issue that isn't given enough attention. And it's an issue of not accepting people who are different from the "norm." While we as a nation have made great strides in this department, some have not accepted the existence or rights of the LGBT community and take it on themselves to act out against them.
     Like everyone, I'm so tired of the violence, of the hatred, of the terrorists' threats, of the young men and women who pledge their allegiance to these terrorist groups and commit these horrific acts of murder. Maybe I'm taking this one more personally because there are gay people in our family who I adore and love unconditionally. I feel the pain of the families of the 49 dead and the 53 injured; and I think about the images stored in the survivors' brains --  images they'll struggle to process and will never forget. Lives have been changed forever;  hearts have been broken; lives have been taken. They were as young as 18 years old, and only as old as 50. 
     Some think banning all Muslims from our country is the answer.  If tougher gun laws violate the 2nd Amendment, doesn't banning Muslims from the US challenge the 1st Amendment, our right to religious freedom?  If we can do one thing to help prevent this from happening again, we can make these weapons less accessible without revoking the rights of the Constitution. Wouldn't it be worth it to save lives?  

Read the names.  Say them out loud.  Never Forget Orlando.