From tragedy comes unity

They call this a “milestone” anniversary, the 15^th Anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks. For that, is it supposed to be any more significant or more important than the 14^th, or 16^th?  Are we supposed to feel any different because it’s the 15^th and not just a random year?

For those of us who live it every day, this is just another anniversary, another moment in time that our loved ones are not with us.  I’m sure this feeling resonates with anyone who lost someone, regardless of the cause of death. I have many friends who are widows and widowers, too many to count, and I know they feel their loss, too, not just on the anniversary of their loved one’s death, but every day. None of us who’ve lost someone on 9/11 think that our grief is any more difficult than anyone else’s.  Grief is hard, and it’s endless. But we move forward in life, because living stuck in the moment does no one any good.

But sometimes I think back. I think about tonight, 15 years ago, and how wonderfully normal life was then.  Jeff and I tucked the kids in for the night, with no inclination that the next day our lives, and our family would be changed forever. I remember that day as vividly as my mind allows me to, and I remember bits and pieces of the days and weeks following. I do remember feeling so much love from family, friends and strangers. I remember the wonderful way the entire country came together, bonded as one through tragedy. Patriotism was evident with flags being flown on homes, on cars, and on street corners across the country. Stores ran out of flags, and red/white/blue ribbon. No one would dare, back then, disrespect the flag by taking a knee or sitting during the National Anthem.

Let’s recreate the positivity that resulted from the darkest day in our history. In honor of this anniversary, find a way to pay it forward for the blessings in your life. Make someone smile with a random act of kindness. Buy someone coffee at your favorite coffee stop. Fill a bag of groceries for your local food pantry. Help save a life by giving blood. Or drop a dollar or two in the homeless person’s cup instead of just walking by. Of those nearly 3000 people who died, there were a lot of souls who were doing, and would have continued to do good things in their lives. Let’s make it our promise, even 15 years later, to continue that spirit in Jeff's memory and in memory of all those who died.

When hatred touches your life, touch others with kindness. The results can be amazing.

In a minute they're grown

When we become parents, we make a silent promise to ourselves and our kids to raise them to be kind, loving, considerate, and responsible individuals. We wonder to ourselves who they will be, what they will become. We know they will leave us one day, even though at six years old, they promise they'll live with us forever.  But as they grow up into teens with challenging personalities (because let's be honest, aren't all teens a bit challenging?) we sometimes think the day when they become independent adults can't come soon enough.

And then the day does come. In what seems like a minute, it is here. We've prepared for it, sort of -- they've already been away at college, so we're used to not having them around all the time.  And when they come home, they're not home that much between work, friends and their social life, not necessarily in that order! But now it's different.

I've sent three kids off to college and on their way to pursue their careers.  Each time was emotional, but I was so happy they were fulfilling their dreams. I looked on the bright side ... my house would be cleaner and I wouldn't have to cook if I didn't want to! That did little to ease how much I miss them, but I keep telling myself there are benefits.  But now it truly is different. This month I watched my youngest walk out the door and drive away to begin her new independence in New York City, just like her older siblings did 4 and 6 years ago.


I couldn't be more proud or happier for her. But as I walk by her bedroom with the bed neatly made and the teddy bear perched against the pillows, I see my little girl with bangs clutching the teddy bear and I hear her sweet voice say "goodnight mommy.  I love you." I feel a lump in my throat and a tear stings my eye.

Then I remember that I did what I was supposed to do as their mom, guided by their dad. I gave them wings, and for the short time Jeff had to influence them in person, together we gave them the encouragement and confidence to fly. And just when I'm feeling a little disconnected, my phone buzzes with a message that almost always ends with "thanks, Love you" to make my day.