The Power of Hope

When someone grieves the passing a loved one, it’s natural to seek out ways to connect with that person, or to find ways to ease the pain, if only for a moment. Since losing Jeff 21 years ago in the worst terrorist attack in our nation’s history, I’ve kept a journal. In the journal I write letters to Jeff. These letters are the way I’ve connected with him in my heart. Entries are far less frequent these days, but every once in a while I have a one-sided conversation with him through the written word. Recently I’ve added a few more entries, telling him about our 2 daughters’ marriages within 4 months of each other, and our new grand babies, one born 2 years ago and 2 born this summer just 8 days apart.

Meaghan gave me one of those journals. On each page of the journal is a quote about hope, and she wrote a beautiful message inside that of course made me cry. Her words inspired me to write about Hope.

I define hope as a look toward a positive outcome that we create in our mind. Sometimes it comes true; sometimes not. But without it, there would be little meaning in our lives and even the smallest obstacles would seem unmanageable.  There would be no reason to take the next step. Hope is what gets us through the day. It has gotten me through the last 21 years, my 40 years before 9/11, and will guide me through the next phase of my life.

We find hope in the little things and translate them into signs that bring us comfort. We might see a spiritual connotation in a dragonfly, believing its our loved ones stopping by to say hello. When some find a penny on the sidewalk, they’ll pick it up, adding it to their collection of pennies from heaven. In a rainbow stretched across the cloudy sky mixed with the sun’s rays, we may feel it’s a sign that our loved one is watching over us. A heart-shaped rock found on the beach brings warmth from within, and we treasure it as if it’s a personal gift from our loved one. All these little signs bring us hope.

So many changes have occurred in my life since September 11, 2001 – the day we all thought hope was gone when our lives were devastated with an event so horrific even today we sometimes sit back and think “I can’t believe this happened.” But as we learned to grieve and accepted the new life forced upon us, we reluctantly began to realize that life must go on. Changes would happen, both good and bad, and we would find a way to welcome the good ones and live with the bad; we would come to celebrate the good changes and embrace them. Through those changes we find comfort in memories, revisited often as we experience different phases of our lives.

My hope over the years was that our children would grow to be happy, healthy, compassionate and kind people. They’ve grown to be young adults of whom their dad would be proud, as am I. Hope and a lot of prayers got me through the good times, and especially the difficult years raising 3 children alone. Momentous occasions in our lives are so bittersweet and even though with each one there are tears of sadness, they are mostly tears of joy. In the kids’ weddings we found ways to subtly honor their father who would have taken enormous pride in seeing his 3 children marry their soulmates.  The two grandsons (who along with our grand daughter bring us so much hope) each bears Jeff’s middle name as their own middle name. As I watch my children today, 21 years later, I marvel at how much they remind me of their dad, how they’ve acquired some of his mannerisms, how their laugh can be strikingly similar, and how a glance at my son sometimes can be a reminder that he truly is his father’s son. While it’s been difficult on so many levels, I’m encouraged by their ability to fully live their lives despite the incredibly traumatic loss they’ve experienced. I’ve done my best to help them, as they’ve helped me find ways to remember and to live a life Jeff would have wanted for us. A life filled with love, adventure and hope.

As we remember 9/11 today, I ask you to keep hope alive during these difficult times, and remember and honor those who died that day, simply by being kind. Pay it forward with a simple random act of kindness.